Due to a missing camera cord, a laptop badly infected by at least one virus, and the fact that my busy student husband is almost always using his laptop, it has been far too long since I've posted. Tomorrow, I have high hopes that I will finally be able to post some holiday photos and give some updates about the past month's exciting happenings.
For now; however, I just want to say what an awesome, albeit long, day it has been. Adam and I have been sitting for hours - first for a 5 hour adoption training course, and then for a 1.5 hour stake conference adult session. Our bottoms are sore, our stomachs and heads hurt...well, let's just say we hurt all over from the general lack of movement. However, it was well worth it. I am so grateful for opportunities like these where we learn new things and are uplifted.
The adoption training was a course on gaining a greater understanding of what birth parents go through. Although we've learned a lot of this in previous conferences, there were of course some new things to learn. More than anything, this was especially good for me since I have been struggling with the adoption idea since we attended our last conference. I think the biggest reason for this is the fact that I will not have complete control in an adoption, and this has been a big fear for me to try to get over. The training today really helped me to feel better about my concerns, and reaffirmed for both of us that this is a good path for us to pursue. We've been struggling with getting our paperwork done, and this has given us the extra push we needed to keep on going.
As for the stake conference session, I can't say that we were thrilled to go, but we knew we should, so away we went. There were two area Seventies visiting, and we just love when that happens. It's so wonderful to be taught by leaders of the Church. It's truly inspiring when the talks build on each other and really get us to think about the changes we'd like to make in our lives. To top it all off, we finished by singing one of my favorite hymns, "I Know that My Redeemer Lives". It's such a beautiful song - not just the message, but the fervor with which it is sung. It is truly an amazing thing to be able to sing your testimony!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Sunday, December 13, 2009
A Hodge Podge Blog
Merry Christmas everyone! I can't believe there's only twelve more days until the big day! I love this time of the year, despite the craziness, and I've been trying very hard to get everything done early so that I can really relax and enjoy the days leading up to Christmas. So far, so good. All I have left to do is to ship some presents down to Utah and mail off my Christmas cards.
Last Friday was the company party for my office and it went really well. I was rather stressed leading up to it because I was in charge of ordering all the awards and sending out the invitations. I was also nervous to give a speech before presenting my bosses with their awards, but I think it went well and I'm just glad it's over. Now I can go back to work tomorrow and focus on catching up on everything I put on hold in November...
Not only do I love December because of the holiday spirit, but it's also a great time to reflect back on the past year and look at what I've accomplished, or not. :) It's fun to think what you were doing/where you were going a year ago, but it's also fun to look forward and wonder where you'll be next year. I love setting New Year's resolutions - as to whether or not I keep them is an entirely different matter! Many times in past years I've waited to make resolutions until actual New Year's Eve, which leads to massive lists of goals with really no plan to enforce them. This past month, I've really tried to think a lot about the things I want to accomplish next year and I hope this approach will help me to develop better plans to keep my goals.
In looking forward, I also wonder what the next year will bring to me and my family that I can't control. What new blessings and trials will come our way? Regardless of what may come, I know that we'll always be taken care of and that things will work out as they should. I'm very grateful for that knowledge. As long as we do our best, we'll be okay.
Adam's now done with fall quarter at school and we're both looking forward to two weeks that are a little less hectic than normal. I'm really looking forward to actually being home in the evenings during the work week so that we can take care of some outstanding projects here.
My camera has been "out of order" for awhile now, so I apologize to my readers for the lack of pictures recently. Hopefully I'll have some to share in the next couple of weeks. Until then, here's wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!
Last Friday was the company party for my office and it went really well. I was rather stressed leading up to it because I was in charge of ordering all the awards and sending out the invitations. I was also nervous to give a speech before presenting my bosses with their awards, but I think it went well and I'm just glad it's over. Now I can go back to work tomorrow and focus on catching up on everything I put on hold in November...
Not only do I love December because of the holiday spirit, but it's also a great time to reflect back on the past year and look at what I've accomplished, or not. :) It's fun to think what you were doing/where you were going a year ago, but it's also fun to look forward and wonder where you'll be next year. I love setting New Year's resolutions - as to whether or not I keep them is an entirely different matter! Many times in past years I've waited to make resolutions until actual New Year's Eve, which leads to massive lists of goals with really no plan to enforce them. This past month, I've really tried to think a lot about the things I want to accomplish next year and I hope this approach will help me to develop better plans to keep my goals.
In looking forward, I also wonder what the next year will bring to me and my family that I can't control. What new blessings and trials will come our way? Regardless of what may come, I know that we'll always be taken care of and that things will work out as they should. I'm very grateful for that knowledge. As long as we do our best, we'll be okay.
Adam's now done with fall quarter at school and we're both looking forward to two weeks that are a little less hectic than normal. I'm really looking forward to actually being home in the evenings during the work week so that we can take care of some outstanding projects here.
My camera has been "out of order" for awhile now, so I apologize to my readers for the lack of pictures recently. Hopefully I'll have some to share in the next couple of weeks. Until then, here's wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!
Monday, November 9, 2009
My Struggle with Infertility
The majority of our friends and family know that Adam and I have been wanting to have kids for the last 4 years, although unsuccessfully. While this struggle does affect both of us, I to share my thoughts on the subject.
Infertility is on my mind a lot, perhaps more so this weekend because not only did we attend a wonderful conference on adoption this weekend, but I found out, yet again, that pregnancy is not in our future, at least not this month. Although for the most part, I take this in stride, I do have my sad days.
As I have told many of my female family members and girl friends, my own struggle with infertility has not affected the happiness I feel for them when they find out they are expecting and when they give birth to their own sweet little babies. I am so extremely happy for them! But I still cry. When my sister called me to tell me that she and her husband were expecting, I laid on the floor and cried after I hung up with her. When one of my friends almost immediately became pregnant once the decision was made to have a child, I cried. I don't want anyone to think that such information should not be told to me, because, as I said before, it is such joyful news, and I am so happy for my friends and family who are able to have children and are able to experience such a wonderful thing! And I'm so happy that they've let me be a part of that portion of their lives, that they let me hold their babies and ooh and aah over them and watch them grow! It really helps a lot with the grieving and healing process, and I am so grateful to these wonderful family members and friends. You will never know the happiness that you have brought to me!
As the years have gone by, I slowly feel myself getting stronger. I have a strong conviction that this is a trial that is meant specifically for me - one of those big trials that we all have that is making us stronger. I've led an extremely charmed and blessed life, but it's hard sometimes to come to terms with the fact that the thing I want most in this world is the thing that I am currently being denied. I've always wanted to be a mom. I am the oldest of five and very early in life developed a strong maternal instinct. Out of my group of friends, I was considered to be the most "motherly". So, to realize that I don't get to have that yet is hard to deal with sometimes.
I try not to get excited when I am perhaps a few days late. I try not to read too much into it when I begin to exhibit tell-tale pregnancy signs (although, unhappily, these signs seem to be very similar to pre-menstrual signs). But, as the days go by, I can't help but read into the signs. I can't help but get a little excited at the prospect of taking a pregnancy test and having it be positive. I can't tell you how many times I've imagined telling my wonderful husband that he is going to be a dad, or telling my parents and siblings that they will be grandparents, aunts and uncles. I've imagined what it would be like to go through a pregnancy - I want to experience the morning sickness, the aches and pains, the labor. I want to feel the life growing inside me and get a big, pregnant belly. I want to hear the heartbeat for the first time. I want to see our newborn child and the characteristics he or she has that is more like Adam or more like me. And then, after all of these thoughts go through my head, I find out that it is not to be right now, and my world comes crashing down. I can't help but feel like I have a broken body that doesn't work right.
Adam and I have always been open to the idea of adoption, regardless of whether or not we have our own children. To be able to bestow love and affection on a child that is in need of a loving, eternal home would be a wonderful thing. As time went on and we still had no children, we decided to very seriously consider adoption. As of September of this year, we are officially in the process of being approved by the agency and the state to be adoptive parents. It's a very exciting time in our lives, and it's given us both a great sense of hope and purpose. We have had such love and support from all of our family and friends. I can't express my gratitude to everyone who has voiced happiness in our decision, or listened patiently as we explained all of the details of this journey. It brings such joy into my life to have such wonderful people around me who are so concerned about our welfare.
I am so happy we attended the conference this weekend. In a way, it was nice to know that there are many people out there that are experiencing the same thing. I do still have my questions and concerns. It's hard for me to think that if we adopt, the only way for me and Adam to receive a child is if a birth mother makes the amazingly selfless sacrifice of placing her child for adoption. I worry about how to set the correct boundaries for an open adoption, because although I do feel that an open adoption is better than a closed one, I wonder what will work best for the child, for us, and of course, for the birth mother (and father). There are many things to consider and think about, but through it all, I am so grateful for a loving Father who knows all and knows what is best for each of us. I am confident that he will guide us through the process and that someday, one of his daughters who is looking for an eternal family for her child will find us and that it will be a perfect match. Our eternal family will form as it is meant to be. I am so grateful for adoption. I know that it is a righteous cause. One person who spoke at the conference said that she has a very strong impression that when a couple cannot have their own children, it doesn't mean that they are broken. God does not make mistakes, and he creates some people that way so that they can offer an eternal home to His other children who are in need of it. I really believe that. I know that for all of us who struggle with infertility, there is a reason for it. It is making us stronger. It is giving us the opportunity to be a help to someone who needs it. And I am grateful for that. No matter how much it hurts sometimes, I am grateful.
As for infertility for us specifically, who knows? Miracles do happen, and we've never been told flat out that we can't have children. Sometimes it's hard to keep moving forward with all of the tests and temparature taking. It's not a difficult thing physically to go through all of the medical stuff, but it can be so draining emotionally. But, we have to do everything in our power, don't we? So, I will keep on going. I will continue to consider my medical options while I continue to fill out the adoption paperwork. And someday, the payoff will come and the joy will be so sweet. It will be worth it.
Infertility is on my mind a lot, perhaps more so this weekend because not only did we attend a wonderful conference on adoption this weekend, but I found out, yet again, that pregnancy is not in our future, at least not this month. Although for the most part, I take this in stride, I do have my sad days.
As I have told many of my female family members and girl friends, my own struggle with infertility has not affected the happiness I feel for them when they find out they are expecting and when they give birth to their own sweet little babies. I am so extremely happy for them! But I still cry. When my sister called me to tell me that she and her husband were expecting, I laid on the floor and cried after I hung up with her. When one of my friends almost immediately became pregnant once the decision was made to have a child, I cried. I don't want anyone to think that such information should not be told to me, because, as I said before, it is such joyful news, and I am so happy for my friends and family who are able to have children and are able to experience such a wonderful thing! And I'm so happy that they've let me be a part of that portion of their lives, that they let me hold their babies and ooh and aah over them and watch them grow! It really helps a lot with the grieving and healing process, and I am so grateful to these wonderful family members and friends. You will never know the happiness that you have brought to me!
As the years have gone by, I slowly feel myself getting stronger. I have a strong conviction that this is a trial that is meant specifically for me - one of those big trials that we all have that is making us stronger. I've led an extremely charmed and blessed life, but it's hard sometimes to come to terms with the fact that the thing I want most in this world is the thing that I am currently being denied. I've always wanted to be a mom. I am the oldest of five and very early in life developed a strong maternal instinct. Out of my group of friends, I was considered to be the most "motherly". So, to realize that I don't get to have that yet is hard to deal with sometimes.
I try not to get excited when I am perhaps a few days late. I try not to read too much into it when I begin to exhibit tell-tale pregnancy signs (although, unhappily, these signs seem to be very similar to pre-menstrual signs). But, as the days go by, I can't help but read into the signs. I can't help but get a little excited at the prospect of taking a pregnancy test and having it be positive. I can't tell you how many times I've imagined telling my wonderful husband that he is going to be a dad, or telling my parents and siblings that they will be grandparents, aunts and uncles. I've imagined what it would be like to go through a pregnancy - I want to experience the morning sickness, the aches and pains, the labor. I want to feel the life growing inside me and get a big, pregnant belly. I want to hear the heartbeat for the first time. I want to see our newborn child and the characteristics he or she has that is more like Adam or more like me. And then, after all of these thoughts go through my head, I find out that it is not to be right now, and my world comes crashing down. I can't help but feel like I have a broken body that doesn't work right.
Adam and I have always been open to the idea of adoption, regardless of whether or not we have our own children. To be able to bestow love and affection on a child that is in need of a loving, eternal home would be a wonderful thing. As time went on and we still had no children, we decided to very seriously consider adoption. As of September of this year, we are officially in the process of being approved by the agency and the state to be adoptive parents. It's a very exciting time in our lives, and it's given us both a great sense of hope and purpose. We have had such love and support from all of our family and friends. I can't express my gratitude to everyone who has voiced happiness in our decision, or listened patiently as we explained all of the details of this journey. It brings such joy into my life to have such wonderful people around me who are so concerned about our welfare.
I am so happy we attended the conference this weekend. In a way, it was nice to know that there are many people out there that are experiencing the same thing. I do still have my questions and concerns. It's hard for me to think that if we adopt, the only way for me and Adam to receive a child is if a birth mother makes the amazingly selfless sacrifice of placing her child for adoption. I worry about how to set the correct boundaries for an open adoption, because although I do feel that an open adoption is better than a closed one, I wonder what will work best for the child, for us, and of course, for the birth mother (and father). There are many things to consider and think about, but through it all, I am so grateful for a loving Father who knows all and knows what is best for each of us. I am confident that he will guide us through the process and that someday, one of his daughters who is looking for an eternal family for her child will find us and that it will be a perfect match. Our eternal family will form as it is meant to be. I am so grateful for adoption. I know that it is a righteous cause. One person who spoke at the conference said that she has a very strong impression that when a couple cannot have their own children, it doesn't mean that they are broken. God does not make mistakes, and he creates some people that way so that they can offer an eternal home to His other children who are in need of it. I really believe that. I know that for all of us who struggle with infertility, there is a reason for it. It is making us stronger. It is giving us the opportunity to be a help to someone who needs it. And I am grateful for that. No matter how much it hurts sometimes, I am grateful.
As for infertility for us specifically, who knows? Miracles do happen, and we've never been told flat out that we can't have children. Sometimes it's hard to keep moving forward with all of the tests and temparature taking. It's not a difficult thing physically to go through all of the medical stuff, but it can be so draining emotionally. But, we have to do everything in our power, don't we? So, I will keep on going. I will continue to consider my medical options while I continue to fill out the adoption paperwork. And someday, the payoff will come and the joy will be so sweet. It will be worth it.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Family in Forks, Pt. 3
Day Three: The Hoh Rainforest and Ruby Beach! Our tour of sight-seeing continued as we checked out both the rainforest and the beach (again).
On our way out to some tide pools at Ruby Beach
A crab! I've seen tidal pools a few times now, but we saw some cool stuff this time - including several large starfish.
Posing for a shot above the beach - sorry about the quality - it was a dark day.
More walking along the beach...
A pretty view - many people would probably find this kind of scenery rather drab, but I LOVE it! Sure, it's very gray, but it has such an old, primitive feel.
The following pictures were taken in the Hoh rainforest. This place is quite amazing! The trees are huge, and there is moss and all sorts of growth everywhere!
Davin, Dalton and I pausing for a picture along the trail
I love this arch - it's one of my favorite parts of the walk. Dad and Dalton.
A family shot on the trail sans Stetson, who is playing photographer.
Mom, me and Stetson - lots of posing being done on trail!
The brothers - aren't they handsome? And weird? :)
This isn't the best video, but there were a couple of large rocks on the beach that had been carved out by the water - it was really neat to go inside and see the water coming up inside!
It was a very full day, but a great way to spend our last day out on the peninsula. Until next time, my favorite vacation spot!
On our way out to some tide pools at Ruby Beach
A crab! I've seen tidal pools a few times now, but we saw some cool stuff this time - including several large starfish.
Posing for a shot above the beach - sorry about the quality - it was a dark day.
More walking along the beach...
A pretty view - many people would probably find this kind of scenery rather drab, but I LOVE it! Sure, it's very gray, but it has such an old, primitive feel.
The following pictures were taken in the Hoh rainforest. This place is quite amazing! The trees are huge, and there is moss and all sorts of growth everywhere!
Davin, Dalton and I pausing for a picture along the trail
I love this arch - it's one of my favorite parts of the walk. Dad and Dalton.
A family shot on the trail sans Stetson, who is playing photographer.
Mom, me and Stetson - lots of posing being done on trail!
The brothers - aren't they handsome? And weird? :)
This isn't the best video, but there were a couple of large rocks on the beach that had been carved out by the water - it was really neat to go inside and see the water coming up inside!
It was a very full day, but a great way to spend our last day out on the peninsula. Until next time, my favorite vacation spot!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
The Family in Forks, Pt. 2
Day 2 of the Forks trip: beach day! We drove down to La Push and took a quick look at the town, then back-tracked a little bit so that we could hike down to Second Beach.
It's about a 1/2 hour easy hike to the beach through a beautiful forested area. When you get near the water, you catch glimpses of it through the trees and can faintly hear the sound of the waves. Then, there's a rapid descent down a series of stairs and then...driftwood logs. Lots and lots of driftwood logs. It kinda throws you off a bit at first when the nice trail suddenly dead ends. It's quite the adventure to climb over the logs, especially when they are rather slick and you're holding a dog in your arms as you climb and your shoes don't have very good traction!
We all made it safely to the beach and spent the rest of the afternoon walking along the water, throwing the football around, eating lunch and just chatting as we took in the sights and sounds. It was Dalton's first trip to an ocean and it was great fun to watch him play in the water. Of course, being the pacific northwest, the water was VERY cold, but that didn't stop Davin, Stetson and Dalton from getting out in it. Eventually, I couldn't resist and was soon in the water as well. I took Mikka out with me for a bit, but she was scared out of her mind so I left her with Adam and went back out with the boys. I was glad they enjoyed themselves - they were all a little freaked out because prior to their visit, I had mentioned it might be possible to see some jellyfish. Unfortunately, they had watched "Seven Pounds" recently and apparently there's a scary jelly fish scene, so everyone was a bit nervous to get in the water. Happily, not one jellyfish was spotted and so everyone was able to enjoy themselves!
Before leaving, Mikka and I took a run on the beach, which she loved, and then everyone but mom and Adam climbed out on a large rock that was nearly surrounded by water and watched the waves come crash up against us and the saltwater spray all over us.
It was a wonderful day and I'm glad that the weather turned out so well for Dalton's first beach experience.
Although the beaches up here definitely aren't the type for sunbathing or warm swimming, I have to say that there's something incredibly beautiful about the rugged terrain of the majority of them. How I love the Pacific Northwest!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
A Tribute To The Boys and Men Who Made Me Who I Am
I'm quite the romantic. I've always enjoyed a good romance novel, love chick flicks and when I was a teenager and young adult, I would dream of my perfect man and how he would come and sweep me off my feet...
It's fun and somewhat bittersweet to think back on my crushes and romantic ideas I had as I was growing up. When I was in elementry school, it was the "thing" to "go with" someone. I had two such persons in my elementary days - nice guys that I had crushes on. The funny thing was, we actually talked to each other more when we were just friends. In fact, with one such person in 6th grade, our means of communication was notes - you know, the ones folded with the tab sticking out that said "pull here" and hearts drawn all over it? Ah, the good, innocent days...
Then came junior high. The hormones started whirring a bit more and crushes would change from week to week. Despite the smattering of crushes, I did have a constant puppy-dog like devotion to one person in particular from 8th grade clear until after I graduated high school! My heart would leap for joy whenever he looked at me, which is pretty much all I got because he was fairly quiet, but also was in a very different social group than I was. Anyway, more on that later...
In ninth grade I became friends with someone who became my best guy friend all throughout high school. He was always such a gentleman and treated me like a queen. Any girl would have been lucky to have him as a friend. He took me on my first date, to junior prom and senior ball.
Throughout high school I still had my constant crush in the back of my mind, but by now my tender "coming of age" feelings had matured and now, even though I still liked him a lot, it became more of a fun game for me. We still didn't associate much with each other at school, but I still made a point to try and catch his eye, and every day at lunch I would walk the halls with a couple of friends, making sure to pass him where he stood with his friends in the hall. He and his friends knew what I was doing and would make sure to say something obvious when I passed by, and I thrived on it. I didn't care that he didn't like me back or that he and his friends were probably making fun of me - I liked him and that was all that mattered to me - I was having fun with it!
As this guy was a year older than me, come senior year and he was off to college and a mission. Even now, I still have fond memories of the time when I had such a crush on him, but once he left, he slowly fell into his proper place in my life - a fond memory. Although, as with all such adjustments I did go through a few growing pains and made a couple of stupid mistakes. Oh well, c'est la vie.
My senior year of high school, my best guy friend and I went through some interesting times. I slowly started to realize that I might see him as more than a friend. My biggest mistake was telling him that. A short time after I told him, I realized that it was not what I wanted. I mean, I did care for him, but when I entered high school, I had made a promise to myself that I would not date anyone seriously and that I would not kiss anyone unless it was the person I was going to marry. Looking back, such a goal was not a bad one, but I didn't handle it well. I'd finally realized that my friend meant more to me than any other guy, but my desire to remain unattached through high school won out and in the process I hurt him deeply. I lost one of my best friends and the end of my senior year was sadder because of it.
Throughout this time, my friends and I had developed a near obsession for all things Jane Austen. We would get together and watch "Pride and Prejudice", "Emma", "Sense and Sensibility", etc. We would swoon over Mr. Darcy and Mr. Knightley and think of how wonderful it would be to be swept off our feet by such a man. I think the reason these movies appealed to me so much is because it was so much what I wanted - a man who would be so gentlemanly and kind and would not only tell me, but show me how he thought I was the greatest thing in his world.
The ironic part is, I think I actually had that in high school. But as much as I dreamed about it, I wasn't ready for it then. I had my romantic fantasies, but they were for the future. At the moment, I was ready to get out on my own and experience life on my own terms for awhile.
Enter college. Ah, what fun memories! My first year at Snow College was filled with meeting lots of new people and the strange realization that here is where people started to get married. It really hit when one of my roommates married her sweetheart about midway through the year. Personally, I still wasn't ready for that though, so I continued to just enjoy the college life. I had a couple of crushes that first year - both RMs - and it was great to realize that I was now old enough where dating an RM wasn't a weird thing. I actually only went out on one date that year - that's just the way it worked out, but it didn't bother me in the slightest.
Then it was on to the U. My first year there was awesome. I dated a couple of guys that first year - it started to become real for me that I was in the game now. Both guys were mid to late-twenties and it hit home that I was actually of marriageable age! Still, I hadn't found the right guy yet and so I continued to dream while I focused on my studies and enjoyed being a student. And continued with a few crushes. :)
Enter Adam. Toward the end of my first year at the U, a friend at work told me she had a friend who she wanted to set me up with. I was game, but didn't think much more of it. She told me he was a big sports fan, which kind of dappened my view of the situation. Not being a big sports fan myself, I had never pictured myself with a guy who was. Isn't it funny how things work out? This friend of hers actually was starting work at the same company, and so I actually had a chance to meet him on my own before our mutual friend introduced us. Something clicked when we met, and before I could put a finger on what exactly was going on, he had already swept me off my feet. Seriously. We were talking marriage two weeks after we had met. And engaged a month later. And married two months later.
It's been over five years since that time and I can honestly say that I married my perfect man, my Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor, my Mr. Darcy - all of those dreams and fantasies that I had. He truly treats me like a queen. When he worked for the airlines, he would surprise me with trips to San Francisco and Hawaii, among others. He took me to Romania to see where he served his mission. He'll run out to get fuel in the car and come home with roses, just because he knows it will make my day. One day when we still lived in SLC, I was working early one morning. I looked out the front window and saw my sweetheart standing in the rain, absolutely soaked, holding a vase of flowers. He had taken the bus from our apartment to the flower shop, then walked about 10 blocks in the rain just to brighten my day with flowers! He's always planning little surprises for me, and he knows me so well that the things he gets me are so perfect! He knows when I need to talk, when I need a shoulder to cry on, or when I just need to be left alone. Most of all, he knows how to make me smile and laugh. When he proposed to me, he promised that he would make sure I smiled every day. And he's not failed.
Although understanding one another comes with time spent together, Adam and I have always had an uncanny ability to get along. If we disagree, it rarely turns into a fight, and if it comes to that, I think the longest any anger lasted was an hour tops. He treats me like I'm the very air he breathes, like I'm the greatest thing this world has to offer and that he's going to do all in his power to prove that he's worthy of me. He makes me feel like the luckiest, most loved woman in the world. And I have him for eternity.
So, even though I'm still a romantic and love my books and movies on that subject, I now enjoy them in a different way. I still swoon over the part when the hero kisses the heroine at the end, but then all I have to do is look in the other room and see my own happily ever after right before my eyes.
I am so grateful to all of the boys and men who shaped me into who I am today. Without the crushes, the hurts, the heartaches, I wouldn't have learned what I did. And although I think there are a few things I would change, like how I handled some situations, I wouldn't change the fact that the man I married was my first kiss and my first boyfriend. It was best for me to live my life that way. But without those other boys and men who came and went in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today. I'm grateful to all of them, and I hope that life has blessed them with the same happiness that I have achieved, or else that it soon will.
It's fun and somewhat bittersweet to think back on my crushes and romantic ideas I had as I was growing up. When I was in elementry school, it was the "thing" to "go with" someone. I had two such persons in my elementary days - nice guys that I had crushes on. The funny thing was, we actually talked to each other more when we were just friends. In fact, with one such person in 6th grade, our means of communication was notes - you know, the ones folded with the tab sticking out that said "pull here" and hearts drawn all over it? Ah, the good, innocent days...
Then came junior high. The hormones started whirring a bit more and crushes would change from week to week. Despite the smattering of crushes, I did have a constant puppy-dog like devotion to one person in particular from 8th grade clear until after I graduated high school! My heart would leap for joy whenever he looked at me, which is pretty much all I got because he was fairly quiet, but also was in a very different social group than I was. Anyway, more on that later...
In ninth grade I became friends with someone who became my best guy friend all throughout high school. He was always such a gentleman and treated me like a queen. Any girl would have been lucky to have him as a friend. He took me on my first date, to junior prom and senior ball.
Throughout high school I still had my constant crush in the back of my mind, but by now my tender "coming of age" feelings had matured and now, even though I still liked him a lot, it became more of a fun game for me. We still didn't associate much with each other at school, but I still made a point to try and catch his eye, and every day at lunch I would walk the halls with a couple of friends, making sure to pass him where he stood with his friends in the hall. He and his friends knew what I was doing and would make sure to say something obvious when I passed by, and I thrived on it. I didn't care that he didn't like me back or that he and his friends were probably making fun of me - I liked him and that was all that mattered to me - I was having fun with it!
As this guy was a year older than me, come senior year and he was off to college and a mission. Even now, I still have fond memories of the time when I had such a crush on him, but once he left, he slowly fell into his proper place in my life - a fond memory. Although, as with all such adjustments I did go through a few growing pains and made a couple of stupid mistakes. Oh well, c'est la vie.
My senior year of high school, my best guy friend and I went through some interesting times. I slowly started to realize that I might see him as more than a friend. My biggest mistake was telling him that. A short time after I told him, I realized that it was not what I wanted. I mean, I did care for him, but when I entered high school, I had made a promise to myself that I would not date anyone seriously and that I would not kiss anyone unless it was the person I was going to marry. Looking back, such a goal was not a bad one, but I didn't handle it well. I'd finally realized that my friend meant more to me than any other guy, but my desire to remain unattached through high school won out and in the process I hurt him deeply. I lost one of my best friends and the end of my senior year was sadder because of it.
Throughout this time, my friends and I had developed a near obsession for all things Jane Austen. We would get together and watch "Pride and Prejudice", "Emma", "Sense and Sensibility", etc. We would swoon over Mr. Darcy and Mr. Knightley and think of how wonderful it would be to be swept off our feet by such a man. I think the reason these movies appealed to me so much is because it was so much what I wanted - a man who would be so gentlemanly and kind and would not only tell me, but show me how he thought I was the greatest thing in his world.
The ironic part is, I think I actually had that in high school. But as much as I dreamed about it, I wasn't ready for it then. I had my romantic fantasies, but they were for the future. At the moment, I was ready to get out on my own and experience life on my own terms for awhile.
Enter college. Ah, what fun memories! My first year at Snow College was filled with meeting lots of new people and the strange realization that here is where people started to get married. It really hit when one of my roommates married her sweetheart about midway through the year. Personally, I still wasn't ready for that though, so I continued to just enjoy the college life. I had a couple of crushes that first year - both RMs - and it was great to realize that I was now old enough where dating an RM wasn't a weird thing. I actually only went out on one date that year - that's just the way it worked out, but it didn't bother me in the slightest.
Then it was on to the U. My first year there was awesome. I dated a couple of guys that first year - it started to become real for me that I was in the game now. Both guys were mid to late-twenties and it hit home that I was actually of marriageable age! Still, I hadn't found the right guy yet and so I continued to dream while I focused on my studies and enjoyed being a student. And continued with a few crushes. :)
Enter Adam. Toward the end of my first year at the U, a friend at work told me she had a friend who she wanted to set me up with. I was game, but didn't think much more of it. She told me he was a big sports fan, which kind of dappened my view of the situation. Not being a big sports fan myself, I had never pictured myself with a guy who was. Isn't it funny how things work out? This friend of hers actually was starting work at the same company, and so I actually had a chance to meet him on my own before our mutual friend introduced us. Something clicked when we met, and before I could put a finger on what exactly was going on, he had already swept me off my feet. Seriously. We were talking marriage two weeks after we had met. And engaged a month later. And married two months later.
It's been over five years since that time and I can honestly say that I married my perfect man, my Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor, my Mr. Darcy - all of those dreams and fantasies that I had. He truly treats me like a queen. When he worked for the airlines, he would surprise me with trips to San Francisco and Hawaii, among others. He took me to Romania to see where he served his mission. He'll run out to get fuel in the car and come home with roses, just because he knows it will make my day. One day when we still lived in SLC, I was working early one morning. I looked out the front window and saw my sweetheart standing in the rain, absolutely soaked, holding a vase of flowers. He had taken the bus from our apartment to the flower shop, then walked about 10 blocks in the rain just to brighten my day with flowers! He's always planning little surprises for me, and he knows me so well that the things he gets me are so perfect! He knows when I need to talk, when I need a shoulder to cry on, or when I just need to be left alone. Most of all, he knows how to make me smile and laugh. When he proposed to me, he promised that he would make sure I smiled every day. And he's not failed.
Although understanding one another comes with time spent together, Adam and I have always had an uncanny ability to get along. If we disagree, it rarely turns into a fight, and if it comes to that, I think the longest any anger lasted was an hour tops. He treats me like I'm the very air he breathes, like I'm the greatest thing this world has to offer and that he's going to do all in his power to prove that he's worthy of me. He makes me feel like the luckiest, most loved woman in the world. And I have him for eternity.
So, even though I'm still a romantic and love my books and movies on that subject, I now enjoy them in a different way. I still swoon over the part when the hero kisses the heroine at the end, but then all I have to do is look in the other room and see my own happily ever after right before my eyes.
I am so grateful to all of the boys and men who shaped me into who I am today. Without the crushes, the hurts, the heartaches, I wouldn't have learned what I did. And although I think there are a few things I would change, like how I handled some situations, I wouldn't change the fact that the man I married was my first kiss and my first boyfriend. It was best for me to live my life that way. But without those other boys and men who came and went in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today. I'm grateful to all of them, and I hope that life has blessed them with the same happiness that I have achieved, or else that it soon will.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The Family in Forks, Pt. 1
So, now that I've apologized for slacking and introduced you to our Mikka, I'm now going to travel back in time over a month ago...
On August 6th, a day I had been looking forward to with great anticipation for months, my family (sans Kearsten and crew) arrived in Seattle. Their flight arrived around 9 a.m. that morning and I was anxiously awaiting them in our rental van. It was so exciting to see them on the curb at the airport! After many hugs, we were on our way...to the nearest hotel parking lot where we let Mikka out to go to the bathroom and a couple of members of the family went seeking their own bathroom indoors. My younger brothers had quite a laugh about how much Mikka was watering the ground, although I can't blame her. She'd been on a flight for two hours and was pretty much scared out of her mind!
After arriving back at our cottage, the family slept/watched a movie while I packed bags for Adam and I. It was really quite humorous to see all six of us crowded in that little space. A couple of hours later, Adam arrived home, so we went and ate some lunch and were on our way.
A quick note to all of my readers - if the detail bores you, I apologize. This blog also serves as a type of journal for me, so I want to remember the details... :)
Anyway, the ferry ride was fun as usual and it was really great to see everyone's reactions to the ride. Adam stayed in the car below with Mikka and the rest of us went on top. It's amazing how cold that ocean breeze can be - even on an August day, we were all standing behind the glass most of the time so that the wind was blocked. I had noticed on a previous trip that it's really cool to watch as the ferry pulls into the dock, so I showed that to my family and then we walked off while Adam drove off.
Of course, being in Kingston, I had to stop and get a crepe. The rest of the family had eaten in Seattle, but I was waiting for that crepe. Then we walked up a block to eat some of the best ice cream I've ever had - seriously, why does all of this amazing food have to be a ferry ride away? It certainly makes for an expensive lunch, and yes, I have gone over there just for crepes and ice cream before. :) The family seemed pretty down with the ice cream as well though, which I was glad for because I had talked so much about it!
After Kingston, there was a bunch of driving. And driving. And driving. It's a beautiful drive though and I was so glad to see that at least my parents and older brother seemed to enjoy it as much as Adam and I do. Finally, we arrived at our destination - a cute three bedroom rental home about 12 miles south of Forks. Oh, we did have to stop and take a picture by the Forks sign. My mom is an aide at an elementary school and so she wanted a picture to show the girls there that she had been to Forks. As usual, there was at least one other car there stopped to take a picture as well. My my, the alure of handsome, perfect, every teenage girl's dream vampires... :)
Ahem, I digress. Anyway, the place we stayed was pretty awesome. It's right off the highway and surrounded by a large lawn, and then, trees upon trees. A little further back from the house lies the Sol Duc river. Very beautiful.
At some point that evening, dad, mom, Adam and I drove back to Forks to get some groceries, and the rest of the night was spent chatting and watching movies.
Unfortunately, I do not have any pictures for this post. I thought I had a few, but have come to realize that the pictures for the first day were taken with my mom's camera, so I'll have to get those from her and add to this post later.
So, until next time, I hope you're all anxiously awaiting part 2! :)
On August 6th, a day I had been looking forward to with great anticipation for months, my family (sans Kearsten and crew) arrived in Seattle. Their flight arrived around 9 a.m. that morning and I was anxiously awaiting them in our rental van. It was so exciting to see them on the curb at the airport! After many hugs, we were on our way...to the nearest hotel parking lot where we let Mikka out to go to the bathroom and a couple of members of the family went seeking their own bathroom indoors. My younger brothers had quite a laugh about how much Mikka was watering the ground, although I can't blame her. She'd been on a flight for two hours and was pretty much scared out of her mind!
After arriving back at our cottage, the family slept/watched a movie while I packed bags for Adam and I. It was really quite humorous to see all six of us crowded in that little space. A couple of hours later, Adam arrived home, so we went and ate some lunch and were on our way.
A quick note to all of my readers - if the detail bores you, I apologize. This blog also serves as a type of journal for me, so I want to remember the details... :)
Anyway, the ferry ride was fun as usual and it was really great to see everyone's reactions to the ride. Adam stayed in the car below with Mikka and the rest of us went on top. It's amazing how cold that ocean breeze can be - even on an August day, we were all standing behind the glass most of the time so that the wind was blocked. I had noticed on a previous trip that it's really cool to watch as the ferry pulls into the dock, so I showed that to my family and then we walked off while Adam drove off.
Of course, being in Kingston, I had to stop and get a crepe. The rest of the family had eaten in Seattle, but I was waiting for that crepe. Then we walked up a block to eat some of the best ice cream I've ever had - seriously, why does all of this amazing food have to be a ferry ride away? It certainly makes for an expensive lunch, and yes, I have gone over there just for crepes and ice cream before. :) The family seemed pretty down with the ice cream as well though, which I was glad for because I had talked so much about it!
After Kingston, there was a bunch of driving. And driving. And driving. It's a beautiful drive though and I was so glad to see that at least my parents and older brother seemed to enjoy it as much as Adam and I do. Finally, we arrived at our destination - a cute three bedroom rental home about 12 miles south of Forks. Oh, we did have to stop and take a picture by the Forks sign. My mom is an aide at an elementary school and so she wanted a picture to show the girls there that she had been to Forks. As usual, there was at least one other car there stopped to take a picture as well. My my, the alure of handsome, perfect, every teenage girl's dream vampires... :)
Ahem, I digress. Anyway, the place we stayed was pretty awesome. It's right off the highway and surrounded by a large lawn, and then, trees upon trees. A little further back from the house lies the Sol Duc river. Very beautiful.
At some point that evening, dad, mom, Adam and I drove back to Forks to get some groceries, and the rest of the night was spent chatting and watching movies.
Unfortunately, I do not have any pictures for this post. I thought I had a few, but have come to realize that the pictures for the first day were taken with my mom's camera, so I'll have to get those from her and add to this post later.
So, until next time, I hope you're all anxiously awaiting part 2! :)
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