I'm quite the romantic. I've always enjoyed a good romance novel, love chick flicks and when I was a teenager and young adult, I would dream of my perfect man and how he would come and sweep me off my feet...
It's fun and somewhat bittersweet to think back on my crushes and romantic ideas I had as I was growing up. When I was in elementry school, it was the "thing" to "go with" someone. I had two such persons in my elementary days - nice guys that I had crushes on. The funny thing was, we actually talked to each other more when we were just friends. In fact, with one such person in 6th grade, our means of communication was notes - you know, the ones folded with the tab sticking out that said "pull here" and hearts drawn all over it? Ah, the good, innocent days...
Then came junior high. The hormones started whirring a bit more and crushes would change from week to week. Despite the smattering of crushes, I did have a constant puppy-dog like devotion to one person in particular from 8th grade clear until after I graduated high school! My heart would leap for joy whenever he looked at me, which is pretty much all I got because he was fairly quiet, but also was in a very different social group than I was. Anyway, more on that later...
In ninth grade I became friends with someone who became my best guy friend all throughout high school. He was always such a gentleman and treated me like a queen. Any girl would have been lucky to have him as a friend. He took me on my first date, to junior prom and senior ball.
Throughout high school I still had my constant crush in the back of my mind, but by now my tender "coming of age" feelings had matured and now, even though I still liked him a lot, it became more of a fun game for me. We still didn't associate much with each other at school, but I still made a point to try and catch his eye, and every day at lunch I would walk the halls with a couple of friends, making sure to pass him where he stood with his friends in the hall. He and his friends knew what I was doing and would make sure to say something obvious when I passed by, and I thrived on it. I didn't care that he didn't like me back or that he and his friends were probably making fun of me - I liked him and that was all that mattered to me - I was having fun with it!
As this guy was a year older than me, come senior year and he was off to college and a mission. Even now, I still have fond memories of the time when I had such a crush on him, but once he left, he slowly fell into his proper place in my life - a fond memory. Although, as with all such adjustments I did go through a few growing pains and made a couple of stupid mistakes. Oh well, c'est la vie.
My senior year of high school, my best guy friend and I went through some interesting times. I slowly started to realize that I might see him as more than a friend. My biggest mistake was telling him that. A short time after I told him, I realized that it was not what I wanted. I mean, I did care for him, but when I entered high school, I had made a promise to myself that I would not date anyone seriously and that I would not kiss anyone unless it was the person I was going to marry. Looking back, such a goal was not a bad one, but I didn't handle it well. I'd finally realized that my friend meant more to me than any other guy, but my desire to remain unattached through high school won out and in the process I hurt him deeply. I lost one of my best friends and the end of my senior year was sadder because of it.
Throughout this time, my friends and I had developed a near obsession for all things Jane Austen. We would get together and watch "Pride and Prejudice", "Emma", "Sense and Sensibility", etc. We would swoon over Mr. Darcy and Mr. Knightley and think of how wonderful it would be to be swept off our feet by such a man. I think the reason these movies appealed to me so much is because it was so much what I wanted - a man who would be so gentlemanly and kind and would not only tell me, but show me how he thought I was the greatest thing in his world.
The ironic part is, I think I actually had that in high school. But as much as I dreamed about it, I wasn't ready for it then. I had my romantic fantasies, but they were for the future. At the moment, I was ready to get out on my own and experience life on my own terms for awhile.
Enter college. Ah, what fun memories! My first year at Snow College was filled with meeting lots of new people and the strange realization that here is where people started to get married. It really hit when one of my roommates married her sweetheart about midway through the year. Personally, I still wasn't ready for that though, so I continued to just enjoy the college life. I had a couple of crushes that first year - both RMs - and it was great to realize that I was now old enough where dating an RM wasn't a weird thing. I actually only went out on one date that year - that's just the way it worked out, but it didn't bother me in the slightest.
Then it was on to the U. My first year there was awesome. I dated a couple of guys that first year - it started to become real for me that I was in the game now. Both guys were mid to late-twenties and it hit home that I was actually of marriageable age! Still, I hadn't found the right guy yet and so I continued to dream while I focused on my studies and enjoyed being a student. And continued with a few crushes. :)
Enter Adam. Toward the end of my first year at the U, a friend at work told me she had a friend who she wanted to set me up with. I was game, but didn't think much more of it. She told me he was a big sports fan, which kind of dappened my view of the situation. Not being a big sports fan myself, I had never pictured myself with a guy who was. Isn't it funny how things work out? This friend of hers actually was starting work at the same company, and so I actually had a chance to meet him on my own before our mutual friend introduced us. Something clicked when we met, and before I could put a finger on what exactly was going on, he had already swept me off my feet. Seriously. We were talking marriage two weeks after we had met. And engaged a month later. And married two months later.
It's been over five years since that time and I can honestly say that I married my perfect man, my Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor, my Mr. Darcy - all of those dreams and fantasies that I had. He truly treats me like a queen. When he worked for the airlines, he would surprise me with trips to San Francisco and Hawaii, among others. He took me to Romania to see where he served his mission. He'll run out to get fuel in the car and come home with roses, just because he knows it will make my day. One day when we still lived in SLC, I was working early one morning. I looked out the front window and saw my sweetheart standing in the rain, absolutely soaked, holding a vase of flowers. He had taken the bus from our apartment to the flower shop, then walked about 10 blocks in the rain just to brighten my day with flowers! He's always planning little surprises for me, and he knows me so well that the things he gets me are so perfect! He knows when I need to talk, when I need a shoulder to cry on, or when I just need to be left alone. Most of all, he knows how to make me smile and laugh. When he proposed to me, he promised that he would make sure I smiled every day. And he's not failed.
Although understanding one another comes with time spent together, Adam and I have always had an uncanny ability to get along. If we disagree, it rarely turns into a fight, and if it comes to that, I think the longest any anger lasted was an hour tops. He treats me like I'm the very air he breathes, like I'm the greatest thing this world has to offer and that he's going to do all in his power to prove that he's worthy of me. He makes me feel like the luckiest, most loved woman in the world. And I have him for eternity.
So, even though I'm still a romantic and love my books and movies on that subject, I now enjoy them in a different way. I still swoon over the part when the hero kisses the heroine at the end, but then all I have to do is look in the other room and see my own happily ever after right before my eyes.
I am so grateful to all of the boys and men who shaped me into who I am today. Without the crushes, the hurts, the heartaches, I wouldn't have learned what I did. And although I think there are a few things I would change, like how I handled some situations, I wouldn't change the fact that the man I married was my first kiss and my first boyfriend. It was best for me to live my life that way. But without those other boys and men who came and went in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today. I'm grateful to all of them, and I hope that life has blessed them with the same happiness that I have achieved, or else that it soon will.
