The Most Beautiful Sound

Adam and I heard the most beautiful sound we've ever heard today - our baby's heart beat! Yes, we are having a baby!!! We are so thrilled and feel so blessed and happy! I'm at about 11 weeks and our baby is due at the end of October!

It's been a rough last few weeks - adjusting to feeling sick/fatigued/emotional most of the time has been difficult. We've also been nervous about a miscarriage. I mean, we've waited so long for this - to the point we started to think it wasn't going to happen, so I think we were both more nervous than we needed to be. I definitely learned a good lesson in faith during this time.

Regardless of all the changes and general feelings of sickness, I wouldn't trade this for anything. I've wanted so bad to be a mother and I really wanted to experience pregnancy - I am SO grateful for the opportunity! We are SO grateful for our little miracle!

Finally...A Few Months Worth of Updates!

So, as I mentioned in my previous post back in January, I had a virus on my computer AND no camera cord. I've finally been able to find an alternate way to post some updates, so here we go!

Backtracking to December...

We had a wonderful Christmas and holiday season. As has become our custom, we made plates of goodies for everyone at our offices, this time opting to make cinnamon rolls rather than cookies and muffins. It was actually much less time-consuming and very tasty!

We've made a tradition of cooking wassail in the crock-pot overnight on Christmas Eve. I just love the smell of it as it slowly simmers! When we woke up Christmas morning, we started off with a nice cup of wassail, then started cooking breakfast while we opened presents. It was a lot of fun to have Mikka with us this year, although she wasn't much for unwrapping the presents. She did like what was inside though!

Later that afternoon, we got on the webcam with both of our families to unwrap our presents that we all gave each other. Man, I love technology! It's so nice to feel a little like you're right at home with them, even though we're 1,000 miles away!

We did extremely well in the present area - we spent the rest of the day going through our booty and just relaxing. Quite a day!

Adam's booty:

MiKail's booty:

Some highlights of the Christmas season:

1) Being able to decorate a place that actually has room for a Christmas tree! I thoroughly enjoyed decorating this year as I had much more room to do it!

2) The Giving Tree. When we were in Utah, we found a bunch of trees up at a mall that had papers all over them with requests for gifts for less fortunate families. Ever since we moved up here, we have been unable to find something similar. But this year, we found a Giving Tree! This was by far my favorite part of Christmas - it was so much fun to go buy presents for little kids!

To continue our holiday celebrations, we decided to go to Cannon Beach for the New Year's weekend. We've only been there once before, but we LOVE it! It's such a quaint little town, and you can't go wrong vacationing right next to the ocean! We spent our days eating at local restaurants, reading, taking naps, watching silly shows on tv, and of course, taking many walks on the beach. The weather was pretty stormy most of the time we were there, but it's just as beautiful! My favorite memory of this trip happened on the last night we were there. Around 10 p.m. the weather had calmed down a lot, so we decided to go for a walk down by the beach. The water was at low tide, so we thought it would be adventurous to walk out as far as we could. We don't know for sure, but our guess is that we walked about a quarter of a mile before we got to the water. It was awesome and eerie at the same time. It was so dark that even after our eyes had adjusted, we could just barely make out what was in front of us. And it was even more of a strange sensation to look behind us and see how far away the town was. It was such a cool experience to be out where the water usually is, and at night too. It was so quiet, except for the sound of the water in the distance.

Our cozy little room - I loved these chairs by the fire! Such a nice place to curl up and read!

Travis & Katie came to visit us for the afternoon on Saturday.

Very stormy weather! It was fun to walk in though!

We had a wonderful time there, and it was really fun to bring Mikka along. She LOVED the beach!

Moving right along...the next big event was my birthday in early February. Adam, being the sweetheart that he is, had a big day planned that he surprised me with. First, he took me to downtown Seattle for a walking tour - not just any tour, but a CHOCOLATE tasting tour! It was awesome! We did have a few awkward moments when the first treat of the day was an alcoholic beverage and two others were coffee beverages, but the tour guide was very accomodating and we were able to taste-test sans said items. My favorite was a very rich and creamy hot chocolate from a vendor down in Pike's Place.

After such a deliciously sweet tour so early in the day, I really needed something to calm my stomach. So, while I took a nice bubble-bath, Adam went out and got me some pho (Vietnamese noodle soup). After lunch, he continued to pamper me by renting me a movie which I watched in bed while he cleaned the WHOLE APARTMENT!!! After that, he presented me with my gifts (really? more gifts?). The first was a history book which I actually already own (oops!) and the second was a cd set of all of the National Geographics since 1888, when the magazine first started! How awesome! Adam really spoiled me, and he made it a great birthday!

Everything else in the past few months has been pretty normal. Adam continues with school and is really looking forward to being done after summer quarter. We're both plugging away at work, and when we are actually at home, we enjoy play time with Mikka. She's the cutest little dog - I am certainly very attached to her!

Adam took these two pictures one night when Mikka and I fell asleep on the couch.

Videos of playtime with Mikka.

A Good & Long Day

Due to a missing camera cord, a laptop badly infected by at least one virus, and the fact that my busy student husband is almost always using his laptop, it has been far too long since I've posted. Tomorrow, I have high hopes that I will finally be able to post some holiday photos and give some updates about the past month's exciting happenings.

For now; however, I just want to say what an awesome, albeit long, day it has been. Adam and I have been sitting for hours - first for a 5 hour adoption training course, and then for a 1.5 hour stake conference adult session. Our bottoms are sore, our stomachs and heads hurt...well, let's just say we hurt all over from the general lack of movement. However, it was well worth it. I am so grateful for opportunities like these where we learn new things and are uplifted.

The adoption training was a course on gaining a greater understanding of what birth parents go through. Although we've learned a lot of this in previous conferences, there were of course some new things to learn. More than anything, this was especially good for me since I have been struggling with the adoption idea since we attended our last conference. I think the biggest reason for this is the fact that I will not have complete control in an adoption, and this has been a big fear for me to try to get over. The training today really helped me to feel better about my concerns, and reaffirmed for both of us that this is a good path for us to pursue. We've been struggling with getting our paperwork done, and this has given us the extra push we needed to keep on going.

As for the stake conference session, I can't say that we were thrilled to go, but we knew we should, so away we went. There were two area Seventies visiting, and we just love when that happens. It's so wonderful to be taught by leaders of the Church. It's truly inspiring when the talks build on each other and really get us to think about the changes we'd like to make in our lives. To top it all off, we finished by singing one of my favorite hymns, "I Know that My Redeemer Lives". It's such a beautiful song - not just the message, but the fervor with which it is sung. It is truly an amazing thing to be able to sing your testimony!

A Hodge Podge Blog

Merry Christmas everyone! I can't believe there's only twelve more days until the big day! I love this time of the year, despite the craziness, and I've been trying very hard to get everything done early so that I can really relax and enjoy the days leading up to Christmas. So far, so good. All I have left to do is to ship some presents down to Utah and mail off my Christmas cards.

Last Friday was the company party for my office and it went really well. I was rather stressed leading up to it because I was in charge of ordering all the awards and sending out the invitations. I was also nervous to give a speech before presenting my bosses with their awards, but I think it went well and I'm just glad it's over. Now I can go back to work tomorrow and focus on catching up on everything I put on hold in November...

Not only do I love December because of the holiday spirit, but it's also a great time to reflect back on the past year and look at what I've accomplished, or not. :) It's fun to think what you were doing/where you were going a year ago, but it's also fun to look forward and wonder where you'll be next year. I love setting New Year's resolutions - as to whether or not I keep them is an entirely different matter! Many times in past years I've waited to make resolutions until actual New Year's Eve, which leads to massive lists of goals with really no plan to enforce them. This past month, I've really tried to think a lot about the things I want to accomplish next year and I hope this approach will help me to develop better plans to keep my goals.

In looking forward, I also wonder what the next year will bring to me and my family that I can't control. What new blessings and trials will come our way? Regardless of what may come, I know that we'll always be taken care of and that things will work out as they should. I'm very grateful for that knowledge. As long as we do our best, we'll be okay.

Adam's now done with fall quarter at school and we're both looking forward to two weeks that are a little less hectic than normal. I'm really looking forward to actually being home in the evenings during the work week so that we can take care of some outstanding projects here.

My camera has been "out of order" for awhile now, so I apologize to my readers for the lack of pictures recently. Hopefully I'll have some to share in the next couple of weeks. Until then, here's wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!

My Struggle with Infertility

The majority of our friends and family know that Adam and I have been wanting to have kids for the last 4 years, although unsuccessfully. While this struggle does affect both of us, I to share my thoughts on the subject.

Infertility is on my mind a lot, perhaps more so this weekend because not only did we attend a wonderful conference on adoption this weekend, but I found out, yet again, that pregnancy is not in our future, at least not this month. Although for the most part, I take this in stride, I do have my sad days.

As I have told many of my female family members and girl friends, my own struggle with infertility has not affected the happiness I feel for them when they find out they are expecting and when they give birth to their own sweet little babies. I am so extremely happy for them! But I still cry. When my sister called me to tell me that she and her husband were expecting, I laid on the floor and cried after I hung up with her. When one of my friends almost immediately became pregnant once the decision was made to have a child, I cried. I don't want anyone to think that such information should not be told to me, because, as I said before, it is such joyful news, and I am so happy for my friends and family who are able to have children and are able to experience such a wonderful thing! And I'm so happy that they've let me be a part of that portion of their lives, that they let me hold their babies and ooh and aah over them and watch them grow! It really helps a lot with the grieving and healing process, and I am so grateful to these wonderful family members and friends. You will never know the happiness that you have brought to me!

As the years have gone by, I slowly feel myself getting stronger. I have a strong conviction that this is a trial that is meant specifically for me - one of those big trials that we all have that is making us stronger. I've led an extremely charmed and blessed life, but it's hard sometimes to come to terms with the fact that the thing I want most in this world is the thing that I am currently being denied. I've always wanted to be a mom. I am the oldest of five and very early in life developed a strong maternal instinct. Out of my group of friends, I was considered to be the most "motherly". So, to realize that I don't get to have that yet is hard to deal with sometimes.

I try not to get excited when I am perhaps a few days late. I try not to read too much into it when I begin to exhibit tell-tale pregnancy signs (although, unhappily, these signs seem to be very similar to pre-menstrual signs). But, as the days go by, I can't help but read into the signs. I can't help but get a little excited at the prospect of taking a pregnancy test and having it be positive. I can't tell you how many times I've imagined telling my wonderful husband that he is going to be a dad, or telling my parents and siblings that they will be grandparents, aunts and uncles. I've imagined what it would be like to go through a pregnancy - I want to experience the morning sickness, the aches and pains, the labor. I want to feel the life growing inside me and get a big, pregnant belly. I want to hear the heartbeat for the first time. I want to see our newborn child and the characteristics he or she has that is more like Adam or more like me. And then, after all of these thoughts go through my head, I find out that it is not to be right now, and my world comes crashing down. I can't help but feel like I have a broken body that doesn't work right.

Adam and I have always been open to the idea of adoption, regardless of whether or not we have our own children. To be able to bestow love and affection on a child that is in need of a loving, eternal home would be a wonderful thing. As time went on and we still had no children, we decided to very seriously consider adoption. As of September of this year, we are officially in the process of being approved by the agency and the state to be adoptive parents. It's a very exciting time in our lives, and it's given us both a great sense of hope and purpose. We have had such love and support from all of our family and friends. I can't express my gratitude to everyone who has voiced happiness in our decision, or listened patiently as we explained all of the details of this journey. It brings such joy into my life to have such wonderful people around me who are so concerned about our welfare.

I am so happy we attended the conference this weekend. In a way, it was nice to know that there are many people out there that are experiencing the same thing. I do still have my questions and concerns. It's hard for me to think that if we adopt, the only way for me and Adam to receive a child is if a birth mother makes the amazingly selfless sacrifice of placing her child for adoption. I worry about how to set the correct boundaries for an open adoption, because although I do feel that an open adoption is better than a closed one, I wonder what will work best for the child, for us, and of course, for the birth mother (and father). There are many things to consider and think about, but through it all, I am so grateful for a loving Father who knows all and knows what is best for each of us. I am confident that he will guide us through the process and that someday, one of his daughters who is looking for an eternal family for her child will find us and that it will be a perfect match. Our eternal family will form as it is meant to be. I am so grateful for adoption. I know that it is a righteous cause. One person who spoke at the conference said that she has a very strong impression that when a couple cannot have their own children, it doesn't mean that they are broken. God does not make mistakes, and he creates some people that way so that they can offer an eternal home to His other children who are in need of it. I really believe that. I know that for all of us who struggle with infertility, there is a reason for it. It is making us stronger. It is giving us the opportunity to be a help to someone who needs it. And I am grateful for that. No matter how much it hurts sometimes, I am grateful.

As for infertility for us specifically, who knows? Miracles do happen, and we've never been told flat out that we can't have children. Sometimes it's hard to keep moving forward with all of the tests and temparature taking. It's not a difficult thing physically to go through all of the medical stuff, but it can be so draining emotionally. But, we have to do everything in our power, don't we? So, I will keep on going. I will continue to consider my medical options while I continue to fill out the adoption paperwork. And someday, the payoff will come and the joy will be so sweet. It will be worth it.

The Family in Forks, Pt. 3

Day Three: The Hoh Rainforest and Ruby Beach! Our tour of sight-seeing continued as we checked out both the rainforest and the beach (again).


On our way out to some tide pools at Ruby Beach

A crab! I've seen tidal pools a few times now, but we saw some cool stuff this time - including several large starfish.

Posing for a shot above the beach - sorry about the quality - it was a dark day.

More walking along the beach...

A pretty view - many people would probably find this kind of scenery rather drab, but I LOVE it! Sure, it's very gray, but it has such an old, primitive feel.

The following pictures were taken in the Hoh rainforest. This place is quite amazing! The trees are huge, and there is moss and all sorts of growth everywhere!

Davin, Dalton and I pausing for a picture along the trail

I love this arch - it's one of my favorite parts of the walk. Dad and Dalton.

A family shot on the trail sans Stetson, who is playing photographer.

Mom, me and Stetson - lots of posing being done on trail!

The brothers - aren't they handsome? And weird? :)

This isn't the best video, but there were a couple of large rocks on the beach that had been carved out by the water - it was really neat to go inside and see the water coming up inside!


It was a very full day, but a great way to spend our last day out on the peninsula. Until next time, my favorite vacation spot!

The Family in Forks, Pt. 2

Day 2 of the Forks trip: beach day! We drove down to La Push and took a quick look at the town, then back-tracked a little bit so that we could hike down to Second Beach.


It's about a 1/2 hour easy hike to the beach through a beautiful forested area. When you get near the water, you catch glimpses of it through the trees and can faintly hear the sound of the waves. Then, there's a rapid descent down a series of stairs and then...driftwood logs. Lots and lots of driftwood logs. It kinda throws you off a bit at first when the nice trail suddenly dead ends. It's quite the adventure to climb over the logs, especially when they are rather slick and you're holding a dog in your arms as you climb and your shoes don't have very good traction!


We all made it safely to the beach and spent the rest of the afternoon walking along the water, throwing the football around, eating lunch and just chatting as we took in the sights and sounds. It was Dalton's first trip to an ocean and it was great fun to watch him play in the water. Of course, being the pacific northwest, the water was VERY cold, but that didn't stop Davin, Stetson and Dalton from getting out in it. Eventually, I couldn't resist and was soon in the water as well. I took Mikka out with me for a bit, but she was scared out of her mind so I left her with Adam and went back out with the boys. I was glad they enjoyed themselves - they were all a little freaked out because prior to their visit, I had mentioned it might be possible to see some jellyfish. Unfortunately, they had watched "Seven Pounds" recently and apparently there's a scary jelly fish scene, so everyone was a bit nervous to get in the water. Happily, not one jellyfish was spotted and so everyone was able to enjoy themselves!


Before leaving, Mikka and I took a run on the beach, which she loved, and then everyone but mom and Adam climbed out on a large rock that was nearly surrounded by water and watched the waves come crash up against us and the saltwater spray all over us.

It was a wonderful day and I'm glad that the weather turned out so well for Dalton's first beach experience.

Although the beaches up here definitely aren't the type for sunbathing or warm swimming, I have to say that there's something incredibly beautiful about the rugged terrain of the majority of them. How I love the Pacific Northwest!